January 18, 2011

Balancing Act

I have to admit at times I feel overwhelmed.  Lately I have questioned why I keep this blog.  In the beginning...way back in 2006 when I first started blogging it was for fun.  I think a whole two people read it!  I enjoyed reading other people's journals about their lives and I still do. 

Lately I have been feeling stressed out with all the blogging, picture taking, Twittering, Facebooking....blah..blah..blah....it has become something I feel like I need to do instead of something I want to do. 

My husband and baby should not have to ask me to get off the phone or computer to spend time with them.  I should want to do it.  And I realize I have been spending a lot more time in front of the computer & having my hand practically surgically attached to my phone rather than spending quality time with them.  I find myself constantly thinking "What would everyone think if I wrote this?" or "Would this please the people that read my blog?"  Instead I should be writing and taking pictures for myself and my own family and because I want to.  I want to write about things I want instead of what I think others would want to hear. 

I've always been hard on myself.  Some might say I am a little bit OCD :P  I have felt guilt over the past year because I have not been as active commenting and replying to emails as I should have.  But I know you all understand why....if you really know me, then you know I care and I still love you anyway. 

With this new year I want to spend less time on the computer, phone, and TV....more quality time watching my son learn, loving my husband, and growing in the Lord.  I am not perfect and I am only doing the best I can do day by day.  I struggle to get my house cleaned, the dishes washed, laundry done, dinner cooked, and even shaving my legs!  I have a hard time prioritizing things and using my time wisely.  Over the past year I have struggled with anxiety and depression because I put so much pressure on myself.  I am ready to let go of the bricks I have weighing my shoulders down....relax....and enjoy the gifts that God has given me.  I praise the Lord every day for this life, my family, friends, our house, great jobs, and food on the table...even if it is a frozen pizza :)  God is good.  God is SO good.
 My greatest joy
 I know I am not a perfect Mom...but I am so THANKFUL God entrusted your life to us baby boy!
 Have patience with me love.....I am learning too...
You are my angel.  Everything I ever wanted and dreamed of.  I know at times I get frustrated and stressed...but I hope you know everything I do is for you and Daddy.  I love my boys so much!
I pray that you will grow to be a Godly man.  I pray for health, happiness, and love my sweet boy.

Love you always and forever...to the moon and back!

xoxo Mommy

17 comments:

Lindsey said...

So sweet!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I think this is a big struggle for all of us. At the beginning of the year I vowed to chill on computer time and phone time and so far I've stuck with it. And I feel a thousand times better. Last year, once the little went to bed, Mr. P would settle in to watch tv while I tried to read blogs. Not anymore. Now that's our time. Cut yourself some slack girlie.. We're all doing the best we can. You'll figure it out. =)

michelle said...

first of all, let's not even discuss how long it took me to figure out how to comment. ha ha ha!

second of all, let's not even go there with the hairy legs. i'm pretty sure my legs are hairier than my husband's. seriously. of course, in my case it's not even a time issue any longer...i just don't care! LOL

girl, i love you dearly. i know where you are coming from. don't beat yourself up. this blog of yours is priority number 4398674967547. it will always be here & so will we. take care of that sweet & handsome baby of yours...everything will fall into place.

God IS good...so good, isn't he?!

Nicole said...

Totally get where you are coming from. A few years ago my husband and I made it a rule that we would not get on the computer or on lengthy phone conversations until after our son went to bed at night. We both realized that it takes both of us to get things done around here and because we both work we really only had the evenings to connect as a family. Don't be hard on yourself...it's hard to juggle it all and you will adjust and figure it out as you go along. Have a great week and enjoy that sweet lil' man :)

amanda said...

The internet, as well as other social media websites, are hard thing's to ignore. I understand because I feel the pull all the time! Don't worry Becky because we understand. Enjoy your family. :)

Emily Neurohr said...

Gosh... I have a post tomorrow that is kinda like this.. in a way. I so now how you feel!! It is soo addicting.. I dont think I have put my computer down all night.. But sometimes night time is the only time I have on the computer.. Your little guy is presh!!

lindseylu said...

Totally agreed with all your points, and precious pics of Connor!

The Clawson Crew said...

i totally know what you mean! i deleted my facebook app from my phone january 1st because i wanted to spend more time with my family then on my phone. but that only lasted a few days. if i add up the total amount of time i am on the computer, i think about what i could of done during those 2-5 hours! i would have a much cleaner house, more crafts done, spend more quality time with my husband, etc. but i like being online, i like reading things and getting ideas. i like researching things and also being on the computer is a hobby for me. i enjoying spending my free time just relaxing and being on the computer. i might just try to limit my time on the computer to when deegan goes to bed.

i also have a lot of family out of state, so i post picutres and started blogging, so my family and friends out of state can see deegan grow up. it makes me sad that my family can't see my little guy growing up. but those family members don't do it in return. i post so many pictures of deegan and they don't post pictures of my nieces and nephews. i have to ask them to send me pictures! we should try for the whole month of february to stay off the computer!!

ClassyFabSarah said...

Oh girl. It's the first year of your sons life and you've not only grown this blog a ton but hello, you're an amazing mother.

It's easy to say to someone else (and never easy to listen to!) but don't be so hard on yourself. You're an amazing mother!

Jennifer said...

I completely understand, and I'm there too. Isn't it nice to know you're not alone? Family is FOREVER. What a blessing and honor it is to be a mom. And as imperfect as we are, our babies will always love us. Thanks for keeping it real!

Amber Maddux said...

BREATHE MOMMA & KNOW THAT "I LOVE YA"

Sarah said...

I know exactly how you feel! I think, we, as women in general, put so much pressure on ourselves to be EVERYTHING to everyone. It's a hard role to fulfill, and I too, find myself feeling overwhelmed. Thank you for voicing your truth because it made me feel less alone today!!

Timel123 said...

just relax..we still love you even if you blog once a year :)
your a wonderful mommy!
-tristan

Shannon said...

I was thinking the same thing last night - I need to detach myself from my phone and pay attention to my husband!

Ashley Taylor said...

I struggle with the same thing. I actually deleted my FB this year as part of my resolution and resolved also to only blog during nap times or if both my men were asleep. It's made me feel so much less guilty!

Shoshanah said...

I understand where you're coming from. I think as bloggers we all feel like this at one time or another. I think you need to think about what you want to make a priority. You can still blog if you want to, but if you're doing it the important thing is to blog for you. While we all like it when people comment and post what we write, that shouldn't be the most important thing

Pyzahn said...

What amazing blue eyes!

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