August 21, 2012

Mental Breakdown

Do you ever feel like your life is in a rut? You wake up and do the same thing every single day. Some days I feel like Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day and it’s just a continuous cycle. I wake up get ready for work, drag Connor out of bed, make T’s lunch for the day, he makes our coffee….we go off to work. I’m always running late. My anxiety level is always at the max.

We’ve been coming home after work and just fall on the sofa. I’ve been upset with myself because I haven’t been exercising or eating right lately. I just ordered pants in a size bigger. Ugh. Life just takes over and you begin to just live each day in a trance. I don’t remember all of what I did yesterday….and if you asked me today I don’t even know if I would remember what I wore or ate for lunch.

I feel so scattered and I don’t have myself together. We have all been battling a bad congestion and cold for the last few weeks. I’m on a second round of antibiotics and hopefully this will do the trick.

I’ve lost track of how to manage my life and time. I find myself in “zombie mode”. Isn’t that sad? I’ve also fallen behind on church and prayer and reading my Bible. I can tell this is affecting my spirit and it probably comes out in my blog as well. It's easy for Satan to break in and start to chisel away at your heart.  I’ve been over committing to do things….but at what cost? If those things take time away from my family then is it worth it?

I already work a full time job, but it seems like my blog is turning into a second job. I don’t what that to happen….I want to blog for the love of blogging. I want to document our life and love for each other. The special moments in life I never want to forget. Something I’ve lost track of doing lately. I’m still going to do things to bring in a little income every now and then, but once again it comes down to that ever so sensitive subject of BALANCE.


I’m not where I want to be spiritually or personally right now….but I don’t know where to pick back up. I’ve noticed lately I’ve had a lot of bitterness in my heart. Who does that benefit? No one. I don’t know why I feel this way, but my emotions are starting to affect not just me, but others as well. If I’ve said or done anything to hurt anyone un-knowingly I’m sorry. It’s not you it is me.

Today is a blessing. I want to live each day fully and conscientiously, knowing that we are not promised tomorrow. I constantly fall short….but I know I am forgiven. Thank you Lord for your love and forgiveness, for I am not perfect by any means, but I am blessed.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

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Anonymous said...

I have no idea. I'm struggling too. Anxiety is high, I'm crying more than I'm not...ugh. Life is tough right now.

Hugs to you Beck!

Tristan said...

becky! i totally get that. honestly..i have just been blogging about once a week..i feel it gives me a better length of time to really focus on our everyday and then throw it all out there in one day..haha.
hopefully once you start feeling better things will fall into place!
a good devotional will most likely pull you outta the spiritual rut..i know mine does!!

Erin and Ryan said...

I love your honesty. Hoping things look up for you in the upcoming weeks and months. I can't imagine how hard {and tiring} it must be to be a full time working Mom. I admire your ability to do as much as you do!

Mrs. Harvey said...

Oh my gosh! I'm in a very similar place right now, and I'm struggling. I set my alarm clock to get up early in the morning and work-out, but I just can't do it. By the time I work all day, get things done at home...laundry, dinner, etc., get the kids in bed and go to bed, it's almost 11. Then, William still wakes up during the night, so I have to get up with him. By the time my alarm goes off the next day, I can't drag myself out of bed. It's miserable, and it's a terrible cycle. You are NOT alone!

Shana Alexander said...

Found the link below and wanted to share it with you! Sweet Becky you are a precious child of God. We all struggle with this and the most important part is recognizing it is happening so that you don't get mired down in it. I love you and I know you love God. He can help you through this as He can all things. Keep your chin up! You are never alone.

Bible Verses on Bitterness

There are many ways that Christians can be affected by bitterness. Regret, jealousy, and envy can all lead to feelings of bitterness and to an unhappy life. When a person is bitter, their life doesn't feel worth living. Don't let that happen to you! Turn to God and try to heal your bitterness.

The Bible is here to help deal with these bitter feelings - there are many Bible verses about bitterness. If you are trying to move past an event or situation in our life that has left you feeling this way, be sure to read these Bible verses on bitterness below.

Although you might not think that this will help at first - believe in yourself and in God. Accept that reading the Bible and praying can help you in your times of trouble. Praying to God and working past your problems can help heal the bitter feelings in your life.

1 Samuel 30:6 And David was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.
2 Samuel 2:26 Then Abner called to Joab, and said, Shall the sword devour for ever? know you not that it will be bitterness in the latter end? how long shall it be then, ere you bid the people return from following their brothers?
Job 7:11 Therefore I will not refrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
Job 10:1 My soul is weary of my life; I will leave my complaint on myself; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.
Job 21:25 And another dies in the bitterness of his soul, and never eats with pleasure.
Job 23:2 Even to day is my complaint bitter: my stroke is heavier than my groaning.
Psalms 71:20 You, which have showed me great and sore troubles, shall quicken me again, and shall bring me up again from the depths of the earth.
Proverbs 14:10 The heart knows his own bitterness; and a stranger does not intermed

Amber Maddux said...

just wake up each morning with the quote "today is a blessing" and put one foot in front of the other. Becky, if I can do given all the crap I've been dealt you can do it too :) I love you and you know where to find me if needed!!!!!

Amy said...

I hear ya! As crazy as it sounds, it's good to know that I'm not alone in feeling similar! You are such a strong woman that you can totally overcome this slump! I know it!

Tiffany Norris said...

Right there with ya! A couple of things are helping me through this season. Prayer is one--I'm snatching it wherever and whenever I can--just trying to keep a constant conversation with God, knowing He's here and hearing me at all times.
Also, we've scaled way back on social events, TV, and Internet. I still blog because I love it, but I keep up with just a select few (like you!) that I really enjoy.
Good luck, sister. So many of us are dealing with the same things, and we're all here for you!

Linds said...

I felt that way earlier this year, right around the time we moved. Stress was at an all time high because of certain things going on in my extended family as well as our old house. I went to counseling for about 3-4 months and honestly, it made a WORLD of difference. it's not that he told me things i didn't know, but he reminded me of TRUTHS I had forgotten, and helped me sort things out. I kind of felt like it was like someone picking you up out of the much and giving you a 10,000 foot view of your life and how to sort through things without losing your mind. It was a little pricey, but honestly, I would have paid twice what we paid because I feel SO much better mentally and can tell I am a better wife and mom.

Loyce Engler-Houston said...

Hey, sweet niece!
Please check out the contact I gave you at church for the Young Adults/Families/Marrieds Community Group launch on Sunday. I know from experience that connecting with a CG and/or Home Group will make a HUGE difference in your spiritual life. I'm thinking of doing one of the Bible studies on Wed nite. Maybe we can go together? I love you!!!

Lacy said...

I think everyone at one time or another gets in that place. It's a ugly place but you can get yourself out of it! I know it. I will pray for you, just lean on God.. :)

You are such a beautiful person and I hate to hear you are unhappy. I think you should blog for you don't do things you don't want just to please others.. :)

Hugs I'm here if you need to talk..

Jules said...

Becky, I hear so many bloggers that are in the same boat...I am as well. In order to grow our blogs, we find ourselves doing things that in my opinion drastically take away from the reasons that most of us started blogging in the first place. It is a constant battle....grow the blog vs. just blog for the love of blogging. Hang in there, you will figure out what the best path to take is for you and your well being - mental and otherwise. I am really looking forward to seeing you at the meet up in a few weeks!

Allyson Butler said...

This has definitely been affecting everyone in some way. I pray that the Lord will renew your spirit and give you a real peace.

Alex and Jill said...

He'll meet you right where you're at, sister. Praying you find that balance that you need.


These Ladies have "IT" said...

Hi Becky, I have been reading your blog for a while now and I truly have enjoyed getting to know you over the blog world. Today's post hit home with me and inspired me to reach out to you. I have formed a blog with three other working women about the "balance" in our lives. We are just getting started but would love for you to sign up to follow us. As of right now we plan to post twice a month on a topic relative to family/work/and success. You can find us at

Hang in there, while the word balance is thrown out all the time I am a firm believer that its important to have satisfaction in both your personal life and your work life. Balance doesn't exist but SATISFACTION does, you just have to find what works best for YOU.

Take Care,


Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

I feel you... I've been so stressed lately with everything I need to do. It's an awful feeling sometimes.

SuzSpeaks said...

oh my goodness. 10 minutes ago was having this VERY conversation with Joey. I am dealing with the EXACT stuff. It's almost like the more I try.. the harder it gets. I just have to pray continually. We need to chat! Hang in there :)

Brittany TYD said...

God can restore so, so much - even our love of blogging! I am praying for your heart to be full of peace and not bitterness.

As for spiritual growth, have you heard of #shereadstruth? I have been following along with them for about a month and a half now and it has been such an encouragement. Maybe you should check it out?

Lauren said...

I'm here if you ever need to talk, girl!!! Love you!!! xo

Debbie said...

I think we ALL get like this from time to time. We all have the same routines and it's SO easy to just fall into a rut and not change anything. You're definitely not alone and I love your honesty. As far as your blog, if it's overwhelming...maybe step back a little and not post every day? Then you won't feel as stressed to get something out there? Not sure if that will help. Things will turn around. And in the meantime, you have 2 sweet guys in your life that love you and will help you with it. :)

Todd and Courtney said...

Hang in there! You are doing such a great job and you're such a good momma. With blogging, just go back to the basics. I know when I read, I wonder "Is this another sponsored post or do I get to see cutie Connor." If it gets overwhelming, just remember why you started. Tons of my blog have a lot of sponsored posts but most are cutting back.