Most of you know that I suffer from anxiety…and sometimes depression. It’s something that has affected my life since around the age of 16. Some days are easier than other. I’m sure my coffee habit doesn’t help the anxiety part either :/ I love coffee, but sometimes if I’m feeling extra anxious or tense I’ll get a decaf or a smaller beverage.
I think a lot of people who suffer from anxiety and depression are living day to day. I wouldn’t say I’m one of those people. I don’t really suffer from the depression part at all….but anxiety and tension. A LOT. A lot of it is hereditary. It runs in my family and it’s something a lot of my family members suffer from as well.
I’ve been to counseling for years. I don’t go to counseling anymore, but I do still take medication to help manage my anxiety issues. It’s something that has helped me tremendously. What really makes me mad is when people don’t understand what you are going through and try to offer up their own resolve. Yes, diet and exercise DO help…..but this is something I can’t explain and I don’t know why I’m like this…it’s almost like a disease. I do the best I can to manage and try to relax, but some days I just get so worked up its hard.
I think my anxiety has a lot to do with my decision on not having another child. I suffered from MAJOR postpartum depression after Connor was born. I thought the floor was going to fall out from under me. What do I do with this baby…this thing in my life now who has taken over my time, energy, entire being! I love my son, don’t get me wrong. The beginning was so rough and I’m afraid to go through that again. Also, day to day just having one 2 year old right now is good with me! Coming from someone who never thought she could have children in the first place…..I am so beyond happy with my sweet Connor boy. And I am fulfilled and happy with that. I don’t want to be judged for my decision. It’s personal and it’s not selfish, I’m doing what’s best for Connor, Terence, & me. I can be a better Mom and wife this way. Unless things change and God has other plans…..we are good.
Today is going to be a good day. I am so blessed. Pushing all my fears and anxiety today….all is well.
I’m going to be 31 next week. YIKES. Gulp. I am old.
I’m so thankful for the blogging friendships I’ve made. The comments from lovely friends and readers. I feel not so alone in the world. Ya’ll are the best! Thanks for always encouraging me and talking
Mornings with Mama:
Our special trips for coffee and chocolate milk :-)
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